Ok, so Valentines Day is coming up and the rest of the world seems to be celebrating their romances and making pronouncements of love. For whatever reason you may be suffering. It could be because a relationship just ended, or you have learned of a betrayal in your life, or you have suffered another type of unthinkable loss such as a health crisis or a child’s illness or death. If you find yourself suffering heartbreak now, know that you are not alone. Almost every adult suffers a deep heartbreak at some point in their lives. When we emerge on the other side of it we are often changed forever. Sometimes in a good way, we are more compassionate, kinder and more capable of empathy for others. Other times we realize that we have the capacity to live through a tremendous amount of pain. This blog post does not propose to give you all of the support you may need to get to the other side of your heartbreak, but it does offer you help as you begin to recover. Here are 7 ways to begin to navigate the process of healing your broken heart.
1. Adopt the mantra- “One Breath at a Time.” When you are hurting this badly, even the thought of “One day at a Time” may feel overwhelming. Just breathe and focus on being in the present.
2. Let yourself off the hook from sticking to your usual routine. Maybe cooking dinner every night feels too much for you right now. Order in. Maybe your usual routine of exercise feels too strenuous, be gentle with yourself. This is not the time to drive carpools or do anything extraneous. Ask for help and do less.
3. Go outside and take walks. Just being in nature is healing. Even if the walks are short they will ground your body. The cross-lateral movement of your arms and legs will help you as you process your thoughts and feelings. If you don’t feel like it start off slowly like walking down your driveway or around the block.
4. Start crossing things off a short “To do”list, even if they are basic things like showering or making a phone-call. The act of accomplishing small tasks will make you feel like you are making achievements. Our nervous systems feel empowered when we have some sort of agency.
5. Understand that you may struggle with sleep. Meditation, soft music, journaling and taking supplements like magnesium and melatonin may help. The hours between 1-5 AM may be particularly difficult for you with restless sleep. Realize that this won’t last forever. Just laying there still is a form of resting. If that doesn’t calm you: read or meditate to soothe yourself.
6. Warmth can comfort you. Warm showers or baths are particularly healing. I leave a bag of Epson salts next to my bathtub as a reminder of the power of a hot bath to my nervous system. Our nervous systems respond to warmth whether it is through drinking a hot beverage, eating a bowl of soup or petting a soft warm animal.
7. Seek out a therapist or counselor if you want a supportive guide to help you navigate this period of heartbreak. It won’t last forever and you can actually learn a lot about yourself during this tumultuous time. Call me and I will do my best to connect you with the best therapist available so that you feel less alone during this difficult period in your life.
Xoxo, Alyson